Thursday, February 3, 2011

P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E, find out what it means to me

Ok, so maybe I couldn't figure out a good title for this blog...
And it can probably be said that I have FAILED, failed, failed as a blogger. 
Well... Deal with it :) 
Here's what has happened:  I moved. 
I packed up my belongings from my precious little duplex and shoved as many things as possible into my car and drove (way too many times might I add) back and forth from Missouri to Iowa until finally I had moved all of my things to my new apartment in Ames.  Let me tell you, this move has been crazy, wonderful, extremely sad, stressful, and most of all... COLD!  I would really like to go back to the point where I thought that I missed snow and thought it was beautiful and kick myself in the shins. 
On the positive side:  I love my job (I work at the most amazing Childcare Center), I love moving to a new town, I love being in a place where (mostly) everyone is a Cyclone fan, I love being closer to my family and getting to have "sister dates" weekly.
On the other hand, I miss my friends and the people at Oronogo, and the kids in my class like crazy!  I miss the familiarity of Joplin.  I miss my kids' crazy sayings and hugs and giggles.  I miss being able to hang out with my friends.  I miss Mad Gab.  I miss Roommate Date Night. I miss dance parties.  I miss jam sessions in the car on the way to... well... anywhere.  I miss my roommates and Norman Drive (even Jean). 
It's a funny feeling- trading friends for family, trading jobs, trading cities, trading roommates, trading levels of comfort... but I know without a doubt that this is where God wants me. 
There are so many things that I miss right now that I know will come with time, and that's where this whole patience factor comes in. 
It seems like the last chapter in my life I was always waiting.  Waiting for a new job, waiting to be near my family, waiting for things to feel right again.  And now I have those things.  I am so blessed to have a job where I feel challenged, yet so much at peace with what I'm doing.  My stress level is completely different this time.  It's so much less about feeling like all of my talents are being drained, and so much more about doing my best every day- pushing myself to do more and succeeding.  I prayed so hard for something new, for air, for rest, for peace because before I just felt stuck... and now it's here.. and I don't know what to do with it!  Which seems completely silly.  Sometimes it is so hard to accept peace.  Sometimes it is so hard to even recognize that gift when you're looking for all of the things that could go wrong.  So I've learned to stop waiting around for something to magically happen.  But to enjoy the time in which you are granted peace, to soak it up and breathe in that fresh air while you wait.  To rest, learn and grow in patience. Because when you don't use that time wisely it only leads to dissapointment.  So for now I will wait.  Wait for what's next.  But while I'm waiting I will enjoy every minute I am blessed to spend with my family.  I will enjoy being challenged daily at my job and forming relationships with my new kids, parents, and new co-workers.  I will enjoy getting to know my new roommates, enjoy my tiny room in our tiny apartment, and even the noisy neighbors who constantly feel the need to stomp.  I will enjoy every minute of this cold, arctic weather.  Even every parking pass I have to buy, every mile I have to walk in the bitter cold.  But in all seriousness, I will try my very best to enjoy every minute that I am faced with the choice of whether or not to find dissapointment in waiting.  And just maybe I will enjoy resting, learning, and growing while I wait. 

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